Here’s Why “Don’t Compare Yourself with Others” Is Terrible Advice
“Don’t compare yourself to others”
“Everyone’s situation is different, you shouldn’t be comparing”
“You can’t compare yourself to him, everyone is unique”
These are all advice that I am sure you have heard in your life at least once.
They all possess some value but they often don’t paint the whole picture. I mean we as humans are hardwired to well in society and that involves a whole lot of comparison with other humans too.
I mean how do you know how well you are doing if there is nothing to compare to? How do you know you are progressing if you don’t compare with others?
Well, you may be saying “But comparing ourselves with others is the root of misery”. This to some extent is true. Comparing ourselves with others can often leave us feeling worse about ourselves and doing it too much is unhealthy.
But not comparing can mean that we end up living in our own bubble. It can lead to a false sense of pride. Not comparing ourselves at all can mean that we are intentionally blinding ourselves from the truths of the world.
Think about learning a new language. How would you know if you are using the right pronunciations if you don’t talk to other people? Do you think you would be able to foster perfect pronunciation just by practicing from videos? At some point, you have to speak to people and compare yourself against someone.
The comparison then becomes the indicator of growth in whatever we decide to pursue. Simply telling someone “Don’t compare yourself with others” is terrible advice.
So how do we solve this?
If comparing too much leads to misery but a lack of comparison leads to a false truth. Then, it stands to reason that — like everything in life — , the answer falls in the balance of the two.
So instead of telling someone “don’t compare”, I would urge you to try asking the person whether the comparison he/she is making is the right thing to do. Whether he/she is comparing her/himself for the sake of progress or is just doing it to feel miserable?
We as humans can get so caught up in chasing a goal that we often forget how far we have come. Comparison when used as a progress indicator instead of a competitive tool can be extremely beneficial.
Final Thoughts
It has always irked me when someone tells me “Don’t compare yourself” and for a long time, my rebuttal has always been “Then how would I know how far I have come along ?”.
Without comparison, it is hard to gauge where we truly stand and I rather know where I stand than float in the unknown.
Comparison, when used appropriately can be a powerful tool that inspires and motivates you. But as with everything in life, more isn’t always better.
Hope that helps.
Thanks for reading.
