MINDSET
The Key to Growth Is to Always Re-think Your Thoughts
If you knew me 5 years ago, I think you would have agreed with my parents and friends that I was a very stubborn person. I refused to be wrong and never listened to the advice of others because I was alright right.
I was that annoying friend that “proves everyone wrong”. I would never let a person go if he uttered a single idea that went against what I knew.
and My method for bringing them over to my side?
A constant stream and attack of facts and reasoning of why my idea/opinion was the best one. It didn’t matter how wrong I was, I always had facts and logic to argue for me.
So why am I so stubborn? With everything, let’s have a look at my parents and take a dive into my earlier days.
When I was growing up, my father always nicknamed me the “stubborn bull”. Mostly because I was born in the year of the Ox and I was a stubborn kid. And I think that name stuck, whether I realized it or not, that identity stuck with me for the good 10–15 years of my life.
Stubbornness is not a bad trait, it has certainly served me well on occasions. Especially on occasions where one has to stay consistent, the stubbornness to do well in anything in life can be very helpful there. Where it is less beneficial is diversifying your knowledge and perspective.
About a year after graduating from high school, I knew that stubbornness was a trait that did more harm to me than good. Thus, I made it a point to unravel this identity that I have associated myself with.
But, I quickly met difficulty. There are times where I realized that I was being unreasonably stubborn and wouldn’t even realize it. I faced this over and over again and the quest to overcome my stubbornness was met with constant defeat.
Well, what did I expect? My dad called me stubborn, so therefore I am a stubborn person right? I was born stubborn, why should I change that ?
In truth, no one is born stubborn. I only realized this, when I read the book, Think Again by Adam Grant. This book, I think hit the nail on the spot when the book describes re-thinking as the solution to stubbornness.
Without going into a lot of depth of the book. The main message that I took away from the book is that humans can twist and turn any opposing argument into one that fits their current view.
This means that no matter how wrong we are, we justify and make excuses for our own thinking. We make our arguments fit the answers.
There are many other points in the book but I have found the most important and crucial one to be the book’s main message of re-thinking everything.
The notion that nothing is ever concrete and consistent, that everything can be re-thought. This would mean that I wasn’t born stubborn, I just always identified with being a stubborn person.
Once I realized this, I switched over to identifying myself as being an “open person”. Of course, that simple switch didn’t mean that I was no longer stubborn but it made me more aware of my actions.
Instead of just being unreasonable stubborn, I have started to ask myself “What would an open person do ?” in social situations. It is pretty much still a work in progress but I have started to be more aware of when I should be stubborn and when I should be more open-minded.
Final Thoughts
It’s been a couple of months now and I have found myself more aware of my own behaviour. When I tried tackling my stubbornness in the beginning, it felt as if I had to fight something that I was born with which felt impossible. But, after understanding that it was just a childhood identity, I was given hope that I could actually change it.
It will still take a lot of work and might even be a lifelong quest but at least I am now more aware of my stubbornness.
I think re-think as a principle would help me combat my worst fear of growing into one of those very stubborn elder people who refuse to change their ways.
Hope that helps.
Thanks for reading.
